Saturday 22 October 2011

Kelvindale station, opened in 2005, is a bit strange. I’m really glad it’s there even though I seldom have occasion to use it: Hyndland is marginally closer and has at least 10 times as many trains. But Kelvindale does have what’s the most spectacularly stupid piece of signage I’ve seen for a while.  Here is the expensively made and installed metal sign on its post.

About three yards away is the poster, on which is this information.

So you get off the train, having lost your mobile and needing to urgently contact someone. ‘PUBLIC TELEPHONE’, the sign says. What a relief. You follow its directions, but it’s just an elaborate ruse to tell you that you’re out of luck. There should be a whole set of signs: ‘BUS STOP’ (nope), ‘TAXI RANK’ (fat chance, the nearest one is at the next station, and the poster doesn’t even tell you that because by the time you’ve read it the train will have left and it’s at least half an hour till the next one), ‘PLEASANT CAFÉ IN WHICH TO WHILE AWAY AN HOUR OR SO’ (don’t take the piss). Note how the poster asks you to call a number for public transport enquiries. OK, where’s the phone again?